MAKING THE CHRIST CONNECTIONS
VII. “Connected in Homes”
4-3-05
Ken Peterson
Colossians 3:18- 4:1
INTRODUCTION
Retired Oregon Senator Mark Hatfield had a 30 year career in the U.S. Senate. He is a committed Christian and a father of four. He said his wife once stung him by saying, “I just wish you were as patient with your children as you are with your constituents.” Referring to this in a recent publication from Focus on the Family, Dr. Dobson observes,
“He isn’t alone. We’re all guilty at times of what might be called ‘split vision,’ treating acquaintances with forbearance while losing patience or even heaping contempt on those under our own roof. We assume the worst. We pounce on every short-coming. We never miss an opportunity to harangue. In the process, we wound the people we most care about.”
Isn’t it true that often those we love the most receive our worst behavior? Husbands and wives use put-downs with each other they’d never think of doing with a neighbor or even a stranger. We can be irritable, in a lousy mood, making everyone around us miserable at home, then the phone rings and we can instantly turn peaches-and-cream nice to whomever is calling.
Anyone who’s lived in a family soon discovers the difficulty of maintaining Christ-honoring behavior in the day-in and day-out functions of family life. It definitely has a way of challenging the depth of our Christian conduct. Yet, at the same time, it is a marvelous school for character, as Martin Luther affirmed. Unfortunately, many Christians are failing badly on that front. Tragically, statistics show that evangelical Christians get divorced about as often as the general population.
This morning, we’re looking at Paul’s succinct instructions for living well in our homes, covering three relationships: between husbands and wives; between parents and children; and between masters and slaves. Since none of us have slaves, I’m going to expand what Paul says there a bit to apply to our working relationships, because I think there is a lot of correspondence.
We’re returning to this series of sermons from Colossians after a three week hiatus for Palm Sunday and Easter, so let me remind you of where we are. This is the most Christo-centric of Paul’s writings, bringing everything together for us in Christ. It is excellent therapy for our individualistic, personal experience oriented society, reminding us it is not about us but Christ. Paul keeps placing Christ squarely at the center of all that is and all that we do. He applies it to our faith, prayer, suffering, and behavior. As in most of Paul’s letters, Colossians has a doctrinal section (chapters 1-2) and an application section (chapters 3-4). We are in the applications part, where the rubber-meets-the-road. The new church at Colosse was being tempted by those saying behavior isn’t important– just keep that spiritual communion going with God. Paul energetically counters that in Colossians 3, laying out what the life of a believer should be. Let’s look at what he tells us about Christian behavior at home.
Colossians 3:18-4:1
The word “Lord” occurs six times in eight verses. Everything in these relationships is connected to the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ is the key to all of it.
WIVES AND HUSBANDS (vs. 18-19)
I often tell couples in premarital counseling, that the most important thing to remember about a Christian marriage is that you both will now have the same center for your marriage. When I say that, I expect they both are thinking they know what that center is, and that it pretty much matches their ideal. But I explain, that center is Jesus Christ. In marriage you have two separate people with their wills, personalities, desires, and interests coming together. When those don’t agree, what do you do? Is it my way or your way– who wins? Then when children come along, there are other separate individuals all pulling their way. But when each of us becomes a Christian, we make the basic commitment, “Not my will, but the will of Christ in all things.” There is not more powerful glue for a marriage than that. In our marriage, the ultimate question we try to ask in all things is not what Ken wants or what Polly wants, but God’s will for us. Now that doesn’t always help us decide where we’re going out to eat, but it works for the major issues of our life together. Of course we don’t practice that perfectly, but we keep trying and it sets the right context for us. If our marriage stays centered in Christ and not ourselves, things work well. It is when we forget that things get difficult.
The word “submit” is in almost all the Biblical teaching on marriage. It is a tough word for us to use and even understand in our 21st century western culture. At one extreme, hard-line feminists have attacked the idea of submission as the ultimate tool of oppression. At the other extreme it has been used by men as Biblical sanction to abuse women in marriage emotionally and even physically. And in between, there’s all our thinking that submission means we become doormats, never have any will, personality, or desires of our own– that we will be less than ourselves. But none of these expressions is even close to what we’re talking about here.
To help us understand what’s being taught here, I want to set this passage along with it’s longer, parallel passage in Ephesians 5:21-33. Colossians and Ephesians were both written about the same time from Paul’s prison in Rome. It is not known which was first, but I suspect Colossians came first, then Ephesians, for many of the same subjects get broader coverage in Ephesians– especially regarding marriage. Two verses in Colossians on marriage get thirteen verses in Ephesians. Maybe Colossians is the “Cliff’s Notes” version on this.
In Ephesians, just before Paul says, Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord(5:22), he writes, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (5:21). So, submission is not just for one, it applies to both husbands and wives. And notice, it is always referenced to Christ or the Lord. So, we’re not operating without guidance here in what is meant by submission. It has mutuality and we submit because we are submitted to Christ. That is the core movement in the heart of the disciple following Christ: letting go, dying to myself, so in Christ I can be more. Marriage calls us to the same kind of life.
This is the door to something greater than we could ever have if we maintained our tight control of things, doing it “my way.” For those of you fortunate enough to have had the experience, remember how it was when your first fell in love? Wasn’t there awe, joy, and excitement in what you saw in this person? Was your thought, “Now here’s someone I can shape-up to meet my needs and specifications?” (I hope not). When I met Polly and became interested in her and she showed interest in me, I felt unworthy. Her love and affirmation, in spite of my imperfections, made me believe more in myself and want to become a better person. I wasn’t thinking of giving up anything– it all seemed gain. But, I was “submitting” to something greater than just me– the love of another person and then later to marriage.
While in a marriage, husbands and wives both Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21), both Ephesians and Colossians (and other Biblical marriage instructions) especially direct submission toward wives. As here in Colossians, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (3:18). Why is this? Well, it has nothing to do with being less or inferior or subservient. It is an acknowledgment of the gifts of our creation. Men and women are different.
Women are more relational than men. They have more connections between the left and right sides of their brains, accounting for their greater verbal ability. They just see things differently. Because of their relational gifts, they understand their husbands and marriage relationship much better than men do. To us men, it seems like a built-in radar to diagnose things. (And of course, we men don’t want to acknowledge the diagnosis– at least regarding ourselves). But, you see, that is a wonderful gift to help a marriage. The wife has the gift of understanding her husband, his needs, and in knowing how to support him. But that doesn’t happen with lectures, nagging, demands, and threats. It is to be practiced in a “coming alongside”– a kind of submission to the other, enhancing, encouraging, and thereby creating something greater. Wives, you bring out the best in your husband by submitting to the Lord (as fitting in the Lord),acknowledging how your husband is created and working within that creation enabling him to understand and be what God desires in your marriage.
Men have the word love directed toward them. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (3:19). The parallel passage in Ephesians talks about the kind of love Christ had for the church in laying down his life for the church. Now again, wives love their husbands too– but this word, especially in its sacrificial quality is directed toward men, because that is part of their created natures. Men are naturally good givers. They can work hard, sacrifice much in providing for, protecting, and keeping their families secure. Think of those pioneer men hacking a living out of the wilderness, defending and caring for their families. And, don’t we love the stories of the heroic measures men sometimes take in courtship to “prove their love” for the woman they are pursuing? That is male behavior. Unfortunately, we men sometimes forget that providing financially for our families is not the only way we need to express our love. We need to do this relationally too, within the marriage with expressions and actions that affirm, and encourage our wives.
So, within the marriage, husbands and wives have different gifts they offer. It is not a “who’s the boss” issue (between you at least). Christ is the one in charge. Because of that, our relationship should follow Eph. 5:21 as The Message puts it, Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Listen to this prayer for a marriage from The Book of Common Prayer:
Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life,
that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity,
a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen.
That’s God’s plan. Let’s not settle for anything less.
CHILDREN AND PARENTS
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Col 3:20-21)
Again we see “the Lord” governing our relationship with our children and children with parents. There is need for discipline but not too harsh a discipline that will discourage children. Every parent knows this is a tough balancing act. But this also is the arena where our faith is lived-out on a daily basis.
King Edward VIII of England quipped, “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.” And that was almost 100 years ago! I think it is too often true today. God has ordained parents to train and nurture their children in the ways of life and the faith. Often because parents aren’t giving the time they should to their children, I think they assuage their guilt by overindulging them, filling the gap with things.
Let us not neglect loving discipline in our homes. And children and teens, please the Lord by showing respect to your parents and being obedient to their guidance.
WORK RELATIONSHIPS
The rest of our text this morning has to do with the relationship between slaves and masters. Since we aren’t slaves (though you may feel like that at work) and don’t own slaves, some of this isn’t applicable. But much of it applies as well to our working relationships. Listen to what dignity and importance this gives to work– and again, how centered it all is in the Lord.
Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.
Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. (Col 3:22-4:1)
Do you have the concept that, you can do your work as working for the Lord, not for men? This means we will be whole-hearted, giving it our best. If you’re waiting on people, do it as serving Christ. If you’re a craftsman, don’t cut corners, give your best. And employers, you answer to God for how you treat your workers. Pay them fairly, treat them with respect and honor. The early Puritans understood this clearly and often wrote the importance of work and serving God in our work.
Where we had our last church in Ohio, we were in the midst of the world’s largest Amish population. Their work ethic was truly inspiring. Amish carpenters and craftsman were in great demand because they knew how to do work “with all their heart.” Their work was marked by honesty and integrity. It wasn’t unusual for an Amish contractor, if he finished a job under his bid, to refuse to take the full agreed-upon price– not wanting to charge more than he felt was fair. That is a powerful witness to the Lord.
No Christian should be a shoddy, lazy worker. No employer should be stingy, harsh or uncaring toward his workers. In the work place, remember, there too, we serve Christ.
CONCLUSION
During the Great Awakening in 18th century America, when the Spirit of God revived much of our nation, Jonathan Edwards was presiding over a large prayer meeting with about 800 men in attendance. A woman sent a message into that meeting asking for prayers for her husband. The note described a man who had become unloving, prideful, and difficult.
Edwards read the message in private and then, thinking that perhaps the man described in the note was present, he felt prompted to make a bold request. He read the note to the men gathered and asked if the man who had been thus described were there would he please raise his hand so they could all pray for him? To his surprise, 300 men raised their hands.
If we were totally honest this morning, and I asked you to raise your hand if there is anything less than Christ-honoring in your relationships at work, with your husband or wife, with your children, or children with parents– I expect most of us would have to raise our hands. Use the time of communion this morning to be attentive to the Spirit in how you can better live-out your faith in these critical areas. When we get things right with the Lord, it will show up in our relationships at home and at work. If it isn’t exhibited there, it really doesn’t have much credibility.